Monday, January 05, 2009


n. pl. Conditions of ransom that have not been met, but that kidnappers do not really care about, i.e. fancy monogramming upon the briefcase that holds the ransom cash.

[proof image]

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Blogger wants to take away our fun

I think that Blogger has changed the word verifications to look more word-like. I don't know if it helps or hurts us here. Just a few minutes ago, I got snott. I mean, that's practically a real word itself. The other day I saw scarredd. They just added an extra letter to scarred. Where's the fun in that? Well, maybe we can take it to another level. Maybe, if the captcha already closely resembles another word, we can make up a new definition that is completely different. Kind of like looking at an iron and saying, what if that was a telephone?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


n. The exclamation of excitement felt upon one's encountering the massive One Million Masterpiece art project.

[proof image]


n. One who can tell you every program that has ever aired on television station KPDX in Portland, Oregon.

[proof image]

Tuesday, June 03, 2008


(n.) The actual name for the little tab of cartilage over your ear canal. Also any other part of the ear you can't quite remember the name to.

[speak up sonny!]


n. A creature Captain Kirk fought in an episode of the original series. Probably.

[open hailing frequencies]

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


(vi) What a taxi driver does to his cab if he wants to go down a cross-street.

[proof image]

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Monday, May 05, 2008


n. A culinary creation from Europe that seems German and that all your friends say you'll absolutely love once you acquire a taste for it.

[Eine Wienderschnitzel, bitte!]

Sunday, May 04, 2008


n. Any noun used to describe a common, mundane, and rather boring object that suggests it is a great deal sexier, naughtier, or more sordid than it actually is. Good for making elementary school students snicker; a licjiew uttered at Robert Frost Elementary School in Silverton, Oregon in 1972 resulted in the mass incapacitation of the entire fifth-grade class for about three hours on a Tuesday in March.

[whatchoo talkin' bout, Willis?]

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Wednesday, April 23, 2008


n. the belch that you try to stifle that manages, after a protracted internal peristaltic batttle, to become a three-hour hiccupping session. Studies[1] have shown that call center employees are particularly susceptible to this ailment, and being scheduled for an important, career-making speech automatically puts one into this high-risk group.

vt. The act of stifling such a belch; "What was that sound Joe made?" "That was him xurhping."

[you're excused!]


[1] "Studies People Refer To When They Refer to 'Studies'", Journal of What "They" Say, VI/7, Sept 2006, pp 22-112.

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Tuesday, April 22, 2008


vt. Of a person being pursued on the ground by police, act of executing some evasive maneuver they saw on television (e.g., calling "serpentine!" and then beginning to zigzag) to avoid being captured, only performing it so ineptly they all but ensure they will be caught.

[bad boys, bad boys, watchagonnado?]

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n, adj. A misplaced fear a crossdresser might have, e.g., worrying that their high-heels might not be appropriate for the dress when in fact the real problem was that they forgot their wig.

[miss thang!]

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Wednesday, April 16, 2008


n. A specialized computer keyboard for power users which has certian well-used, repetitive and somewhat hard-to-type 'net slang, Homestar Runner cant, and LOLspeak programmed onto individual keys, thereby enabling the haxxor to waste time with an efficiency never before seen.

vt. To use such a keyboard:

"You wouldn't have so much trouble typing Fhqwhgads if you'd just dajkbd it!"


v. to yank on a loose part of a mission-critical machine in such a way that it will then seem to work flawlessly until needed again, at which point it has been rendered absolutely broken and worthless.

[next time call a repairman]

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


n. The new superstate created by the union of Iowa, Louisiana, and Idaho ... much to the dismay of the people of Wyoming, Nebraska, Missouri, and Arkansas.

[never got this in your geography class, I'll betcha]

Monday, April 14, 2008


n. A particularly phlegm-oriented branch of the nomadic Touraeg of Saharan Africa.

['scuse me a sec ... aaahHEM!]

Tuesday, April 01, 2008


n. The nickname of the mascot for Cyrano de Bergerac State University.
Go Boogys!

[proof image]


n. Franz Kafka's illiterate, unsuccessful younger brother, who authored the not-so-well known worst-seller, The Metofmrphasis, about a man who turns into a caterpillar and then a butterfly.

[proof image]

Friday, March 21, 2008


fig. of speech, What a field TV reporter says to throw it back to the studio.

[Now, let's check the traffic]

Thursday, February 21, 2008


n. What they call the Epilady in Albania. Probably. For all we know. Cannot be pronounced by anybody not otherwise Albanian.

Hey, you ever looked at Albanian? It's got more gratuitous umlauts than all the metal bands put together! You know what the word "Albania" is in Albanian? Shqipëri! Can you pronounce that (provided you aren't Albanian)? Neither can we!

Dislclaimer: No Albanians were epilated during the production of this entry. No Albanian feelings were intentionally hurt by poking fun at the language (we keed!)